Metaphor: Black holes “devour” stars, gas, and anything that wanders too close — cosmic predators lurking in the void.
Problem: Anthropomorphising black holes misleads by implying appetite, intent, and voracity. It frames gravitational collapse as predation, obscuring the relational geometry of spacetime and the emergent dynamics that govern these phenomena. Nothing “hunts”; nothing “chooses” to consume.
Relational ontology: Black holes are relational spacetime distortions, where matter and energy align along extreme curvature fields. Objects move according to potential alignments, not the whims of a hungry cosmic entity.
Parody punchline: If black holes were monsters, Stephen Hawking would host Cosmic Monsterwatch, neutron stars would hide under beds, and astronomers would hand out cookies to lure them out of hiding.
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