The Internet as a Brain

Metaphor: The Internet is frequently described as a “giant neural network” that “learns” and “remembers,” implying a sort of collective intelligence.

Problem / Misleading Aspect: This metaphor encourages readers to impute consciousness, intent, and understanding to a vast distributed network of servers, protocols, and users. It obscures the relational, emergent dynamics that actually govern network behaviour and can mislead about cause, control, or responsibility. Thinking of the Internet as “knowing” anything risks overestimating its agency and misunderstanding how information flows and patterns emerge.

Relational Ontology Correction: The Internet is a relational structure, an alignment of nodes, connections, and traffic potentials. Patterns of activity emerge from these interactions, not from any global mind. “Learning” is statistical adjustment in local nodes (e.g., servers or machine learning models), not comprehension. There is no collective thought watching over the network.

Parody / Conceptual Highlight: Taken literally, one might imagine the Internet rubbing its metaphorical temples, deliberating about which memes to circulate, or a server pausing for existential reflection before routing an email. The humour makes the conceptual danger clear: the neural-brain metaphor misleads by suggesting intention and cognition where only relational alignment exists.