Computers as Thinking Brains

Metaphor: Computers are often described as “thinking” or “intelligent,” processing information like human minds.

Problem / Misleading Aspect: This metaphor invites the anthropomorphising of machines, suggesting cognition, understanding, or intent where there is none. Readers may imagine computers reasoning, having insights, or forming intentions — obscuring the relational processes of hardware states, software protocols, and user interactions that actually drive computation. It risks confusing relational alignment of states with conscious thought, which can mislead both users and policymakers about capabilities and responsibility.

Relational Ontology Correction: Computation is the actualisation of relational potentials: electric currents, memory states, and algorithmic transitions. There is no comprehension, volition, or consciousness involved. A program “solving a problem” is not thinking; it is following relationally constrained transformations of data across its architecture.

Parody / Conceptual Highlight: Taken literally, one might picture a laptop pausing to reflect on its existential purpose, or a spreadsheet delivering a heartfelt soliloquy about its cells’ emotional states. The humour underscores the conceptual misstep: the metaphor of thinking machines misleads by projecting human mental processes onto purely relational, mechanical activity.